


my sweet innocent child

by lovesynlikeasin



Series: Toujours Pur [5]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Black Family-centric (Harry Potter), Childhood, Dysfunctional Family, Parent-Child Relationship, Parenthood, Postpartum Depression, Pregnancy, The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, Traditions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-08
Updated: 2019-10-08
Packaged: 2020-11-29 00:57:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20953829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovesynlikeasin/pseuds/lovesynlikeasin
Summary: the young mother watches her young child walk with unsteady steps and wonders if she did right by letting him into this cold, hard world





	my sweet innocent child

Sirius Black was running around in the living room, his small feet busy. He was a year now. Black wild hair, almost hiding his cheerful eyes. Walburga was watching him as he struggled to maintain his balance. Something dark filled her eyes though. Something off. Sure, she held love for the child. Yet not in the manner parents usually did. She would do everything for him. She would kill a thousand witches for him, she would follow him to every corner of the world. But she still wished he was never born. In her rotten heart she knew he would of been better off never born. 

The truth was that she never could love him like she should. Even by pureblood standards, she could not. She wondered if her own mother had carried the same emotions towards her as she took her first steps, as she spoke her first words. Probably. Certainly to be honest. It wasn't part of their life. The burden of being a Black family member. People would tell that their blood was poison and they didn't know just how much truth there were in those words. 

The baby boy was beautiful. The most stunning beautiful creature ever put to earth. Walburga was certain of it. She knew he was good. Pure hearted. He would be good for the world and she didn't know how well that rang with his heritage. They weren't meant to be pure hearted. That wasn't how they had managed to stay on top of the wizarding world. 

She wondered just how many women with their tainted blood had been thinking and feeling the same as her. Perhaps they all were as cold as she needed to be? 

And she wanted to love him; cheris his every waken moment. Yet when she looked on the wobbling boy, she saw so much pain. His first nine months alive, inside her womb had been filled with so much agony. Walburga Black knew the difficult feelings she felt towards her own flesh and blood was a reflection of her own self loathing. 

She blamed her husband. Had he been the supporting father she had needed him to be, maybe this wouldn't of turned out this way. Maybe she wouldn't be drowning in a ocean of hate and depression. She blamed herself. She knew she should be a better mother. She should take her child away with her and let him grow up in a good place. But this was where she belonged. She had her place in life and she could not abandon it for something as childish as love and hope. 

She put a hand on her stomach. Another one. Against all odds, had she fallen pregnant once more. She was expecting another burden to her life. She really was unfit as a mother. Perhaps it would be for the wiser to end it before it had a chance to be born into this harsh world with a bastard of a father and a cold mother. 

It was too much for the confused witch. She really could of needed her dear cousin with her now. If only she hadn't succumed to the hate in her blood and pushed Lucretia away. Maybe she could of lit up the path for her? She would tell her to follow her heart, tear herself away from the family traditions. Walburga scoffed at the thought. She would of told her cousin to get a grip on reality. Life wasn't a life of fairytales and own decisions. Their holy bloodline and responsibility as purebloods was the only thing that mattered. 

The young child stobbled over to his mother, raised his arms. He wanted to be lifted. Walburga leaned down, taking him in her arms, carrying him on her hip. Wandering over to the window, she pointed outside. "One day you will grow up, into this cold world, child. You will need to defend yourself, you know that? Because it will rip away everything beautiful. Don't let it." she kissed his black curls. 

The child smiled, his chubby hand reaching up, touching his mother's face. Walburga smiled. It was sad, it was painful. She squeezed him tight. How could she of let something so innocent and pure loose in this horrible world?


End file.
